Starting from childhood to our careers, we have been taught and told to polish our communication skills. We work hard building them up and think of ourselves as the best in it until, it is needed for a relationship that didn’t work out, when there are children involved and you are suddenly lost for words.   The person you planned to share your whole life with, suddenly talking about a few important things becomes an overwhelming experience. We get it, dealing with the ex during divorce can be emotionally and logically tiring especially when there are kids in the middle of it.  How can you change it? Well, there are plenty of ways from articulating your conversations to practicing more patience.  You can have better communication just by simply hitting the right note. How to do it?

Let’s talk about the tips in this article. 

Ways to Communicate to your Ex after or During Divorce

The majority of your future talks with your former partner will be about negotiating. You will no longer exchange pleasantries and chitchat daily. This is the first point to keep in mind before indulging in any type of conversation. Here are some of the additional tips on communicating with your ex to keep in mind:

• Say no to unnecessary communication

Avoid responding to every contact from your spouse. Ignore minor issues to avoid the bigger conflicts. If possible, try to have communication guidelines during a divorce. It can help you inform your ex-spouse that you will only answer serious questions and nothing else will be entertained at any level. 

• Give Yourself a Cool Down Period

When we are irritated, we do not think clearly and often say things we later regret. This applies to almost everyone.  Allow yourself some time to cool down when situations with your ex-spouse happen that cause you to become excessively upset. It's acceptable to inform your ex-spouse that you're not ready to discuss it yet and need some time. Writing down or recording what you intend to say can also be useful. Many people compose letters or type emails that are never delivered. Writing things down can be therapeutic and allow you to reflect on your emotions. Once you have cleared your mind, approach your ex-spouse to discuss the subject. 

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• Identify the Means of Communication Best for You

Face-to-face communication can lead to heated arguments for some couples. If meeting with your ex-spouse in person is not an option, utilize email or the phone instead. Often, simply avoiding the other person's presence is sufficient to alleviate tension. However, if you are prone to verbal mudslinging with your spouse over the phone, avoid that option. Instead, send an e-mail or contact your divorce counsel. If you are having difficulty reaching an agreement with your ex and a mediator is not an option, you will require the services of a divorce attorney.

Finally, always act as if you are on camera. Angry ex-partners have been known to record phone and in-person encounters, as well as save text messages and emails. 

• Use Written Communication When Possible

Written communication has various advantages in the divorce process. It keeps a clear record of what was said, enables time for meaningful responses, and can help to prevent misunderstandings and emotional reactions. Consider using email for critical discussions, and keep all correspondence for later reference.

This technique can be especially useful if legal difficulties arise later in the process.  When communicating in writing, be concise and specific, utilize numbered points for multiple issues, and always review your communications before sending them to ensure they keep a professional tone. 

• Focus on Solutions, Not Problems

During a divorce, it's tempting to become preoccupied with who is to blame or who is right. This mentality prevents collaboration. Instead of dwelling on previous problems, turn your attention to creating solutions. 

This does not imply ignoring problems, but rather resolving them in a way that helps you go forward. Collaboration also necessitates compromise.  Be willing to compromise to establish a mutually beneficial arrangement. It's not about winning or losing, but about finding a solution that works for both of you, even if it doesn't give you everything you desire.

• Protect Your Privacy

Parting ways can be a difficult adjustment, both emotionally and logistically. You may have grown accustomed to sharing your thoughts and feelings with your ex-spouse, but you are now two distinct individuals separated by a legal barrier. It is critical to respect this border and protect your privacy. Anything you say to your ex-spouse might be used against you in court, so choose your words carefully.  A decent rule of thumb is to avoid discussing personal or sensitive topics. This covers your dating life, finances, and long-term goals. This rule is especially significant when going through the divorce process. Of course, there will be some exceptions to the rule. For example, you may need to address your financial situation to reach an agreement on child support or alimony payments. In these circumstances, try to be as plain and concise as possible. 

• Avoid Excessive Social Media

Avoid using social media while your divorce is proceeding. If you can't avoid it entirely, try not to publish anything about your relationship or divorce case to avoid receiving a negative reaction from your husband, which might further delay the divorce proceedings. And no indirect communication can sabotage your whole case, leaving you with nothing but more resentment. 

• Keep Children Out of It

Avoid including children in debates, regardless of how tempting it may be. They should not be saddled with adult issues or subjected to parental disputes. This can have a negative psychological impact, creating worry, anxiety, and bewilderment.  It may also result in parental alienation, in which a child unjustly supports or resents one parent, causing interpersonal damage. Protecting children from these possible hazards is critical to ensuring their safety and mental well-being.

Conclusion

Finally, if you are going through a divorce and need to work on important communication, you should work on the tips above. However, if you need some help with rebuilding yourself again, we at Rebuilders have support groups that too suitable to your choice. Get in touch to learn more about our groups.