Still loving your ex-husband doesn’t make you foolish. It makes you human.
Maybe you didn’t want the divorce. Maybe you were blindsided. Or maybe you agreed to it but didn’t expect the grief to hit this hard. Whatever your story, if you’re here thinking, “I still love my ex-husband… So how do I move on?” — know this:
You are not alone.
Your feelings are valid.
And healing is still possible—even when love lingers.
In this guide, we’ll explore:
Why you still love him
How to sit with emotional pain without being consumed by it
What not to do when you feel stuck in love
Gentle steps to emotionally detach and reclaim yourself
Where to find support that truly understands
You don’t need to erase your love to begin healing. Let’s honor it—without letting it hold you back.
Sometimes the pain isn’t just about loss—it’s about powerlessness. If you didn’t choose the divorce, it can feel like your heart was dragged behind someone else’s decision.
You’re mourning not just what was, but what could have been—a future you were still invested in.
Even if the relationship was painful or unbalanced, emotional bonds—especially after years together—run deep. You may be experiencing:
Nostalgia for the good moments
Trauma bonding if the relationship involved emotional highs and lows
Genuine enduring love, where you still see the good in him
Let go of the idea that “I should be over this by now.” You don’t heal on anyone’s timeline.
Feelings don’t follow logic. You can know someone isn’t right for you and still love them. You can recognize the toxicity and still miss the touch.
“You can love someone and still decide they are not right for your life.” – Unknown
Letting go isn’t about denying love. It’s about choosing peace over attachment.
It’s tempting to minimize your feelings or shame yourself for still being in love. But pushing those emotions down won’t help. In fact, it can prolong your pain.
Grief over a divorce—especially one from someone you still love—is complex. It includes:
Emotional longing
Identity confusion
Even physical symptoms like exhaustion, nausea, and insomnia
According to the APA, emotional recovery from divorce typically takes 1–2 years, depending on the depth of the relationship.
You’re not just grieving a person—you’re grieving:
Future holidays you imagined
Growing old together
The inside jokes, routines, shared history
This kind of loss deserves full grief. It’s okay to:
Cry daily
Talk to the version of him that lives in your head
Miss him and still not want him back
Try the "Unsent Letter" exercise:
Write a letter to your ex as if you could say anything.
Say what hurt. Say what you miss. Say goodbye.
Then burn it, shred it, or save it—but don’t send it.
Also consider:
Guided meditations for heartbreak
Crying in the shower (it’s a safe, private space)
Daily journaling prompts like:
“Today, I wish I could tell him…”
“Loving him taught me…”
Every time you text, check his social, or ask “Can we talk?”, you're reopening a scab that’s trying to heal.
Emotional relapses are normal—but giving in to them can prolong the grief.
Set limits:
Block or mute him temporarily if needed
Ask a friend to help you stay accountable
Remember that no new conversation will erase the old pain
Pushing feelings down often leads to:
Anxiety
Depression
Unexplained physical symptoms
Don’t feel weak for crying. Don’t feel crazy for missing him. Don’t drown your pain in alcohol, rebound flings, or overworking.
What’s not expressed will eventually demand your attention.
Hope can be comforting—but also dangerous. Holding onto false hope can keep you stuck in a fantasy.
Instead, try Radical Acceptance — a concept from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT):
“This is happening. I don’t have to like it. But I accept that I cannot change it.”
Acceptance isn’t defeat. It’s the first breath of freedom.
If you still have contact (e.g., co-parenting), shift how you engage:
Keep conversations transactional, not emotional
Don’t seek validation or flirtation
Avoid sharing your feelings unless it’s part of closure
You’re redefining the emotional contract. He is no longer your comfort zone.
It’s possible to:
Love him and leave him
Miss him and not go back
Remember the good and still choose yourself
“Healing after divorce from someone you love is like carrying two truths: I still love him. I know I must move on.”
All that love you have for him? Redirect it:
Nurture your body with good food, rest, and gentle movement
Take up a creative outlet (art, music, writing)
Practice self-talk that’s kind:
“I am worthy, even when I feel broken.”
“My love is not wasted—it was real, and so is my healing.”
Therapy isn’t just for the broken—it’s for the becoming.
A therapist gives you:
A container for your emotions
Tools to manage grief
A mirror for your worth when you forget it
Recommended expert: Kevin Van Liere
Sometimes the most healing words are:
“I’ve been there too.”
Find community through:
Facebook groups for women post-divorce
Local or virtual support groups
Podcasts like The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast
These spaces remind you: you’re not alone.
You are allowed to:
Miss him
Cry about him
Still feel love for him
AND
Set boundaries
Choose healing
Build a new life
Love doesn’t mean you wait. Love doesn’t mean you chase.
Love means honoring what was—and trusting that what’s next can still be beautiful.
You can give yourself closure. You can give yourself peace.
A happy life after divorce might sound hard to imagine when you’re in the thick of it, but trust me, it’s possible. Finding happiness after divorce is all about rediscovering what lights you up and building a life that feels truly yours. At Rebuilders International, we’ve seen so many people answer the question, “Are people happier after divorce?” with a big yes—and we’re here to help you get there too. Let’s explore how to find happiness after divorce and make this new chapter your best yet.
Absolutely—are people happier after divorce? Many are! A 2023 study showed 62% of divorced folks felt more at peace a year later, especially with the right support. Happiness after divorce comes from letting go of what’s behind you and focusing on what makes you smile. Maybe it’s spending time with friends, picking up a new hobby, or just enjoying your own company. At Rebuilders, we’ve seen folks light up when they start focusing on themselves.
Our Virtual (Zoom) Classes—starting every 2-3 weeks—are a great way to connect with others and share what’s bringing you joy.
Want a full plan to rebuild? Check out our main page, Post-Divorce Life: A Complete Guide, for more tips to thrive.
Finding happiness after divorce starts with doing things that make your heart happy. Maybe you love painting, dancing, or long walks—make time for those! Rebuilders suggests picking one thing each week that’s just for you. It’s a small step toward a happy life after divorce.
The people around you matter. Spend time with friends who lift you up, or join a group where you feel seen. Our Every Tuesday Night Support Group ($47/year) is a warm space to share laughs and stories with others on the same path.
Maybe you cooked a new recipe or had a good day with your kids—celebrate that! Happiness after divorce grows when you notice the little joys. Jot down three things each day that made you smile—it’s a habit that can shift your whole outlook.
Try something fresh to spark joy—like a new hobby or a weekend getaway. Rebuilders’ community loves cheering each other on as they rediscover what makes them happy.
Thinking about dating? Check out Dating After Separation for tips on stepping back into love.
Starting over in your 40s? See Starting Over After Divorce at 40 for more ideas.
At Rebuilders International, we’re all about helping you find a happy life after divorce. With support groups, tools, and a caring community, we’ll help you rediscover joy.
Ready to find your happiness? Take our free Emotional Survey to see what’s next, or join our Virtual (Zoom) Classes to connect. Let’s make your happiness after divorce a reality.