Introduction

Still loving your ex-husband doesn’t make you foolish. It makes you human.

Maybe you didn’t want the divorce. Maybe you were blindsided. Or maybe you agreed to it but didn’t expect the grief to hit this hard. Whatever your story, if you’re here thinking, “I still love my ex-husband… So how do I move on?” — know this:

You are not alone.

Your feelings are valid.

And healing is still possible—even when love lingers.

In this guide, we’ll explore:

• Why you still love him

• How to sit with emotional pain without being consumed by it

• What not to do when you feel stuck in love

• Gentle steps to emotionally detach and reclaim yourself

• Where to find support that truly understands

You don’t need to erase your love to begin healing. Let’s honor it—without letting it hold you back.

Why You Might Still Love Him

You Didn’t Want the Divorce

Sometimes the pain isn’t just about loss—it’s about powerlessness. If you didn’t choose the divorce, it can feel like your heart was dragged behind someone else’s decision.

You’re mourning not just what was, but what could have been—a future you were still invested in.

Long-Term Emotional Bonds Don’t Break Overnight

Even if the relationship was painful or unbalanced, emotional bonds—especially after years together—run deep. You may be experiencing:

• Nostalgia for the good moments

• Trauma bonding if the relationship involved emotional highs and lows

• Genuine enduring love, where you still see the good in him

Let go of the idea that “I should be over this by now.” You don’t heal on anyone’s timeline.

Love Is Not a Switch — It’s a Process

Feelings don’t follow logic. You can know someone isn’t right for you and still love them. You can recognize the toxicity and still miss the touch.

“You can love someone and still decide they are not right for your life.” – Unknown

Letting go isn’t about denying love. It’s about choosing peace over attachment.

How to Sit With the Pain Without Letting It Consume You

What You’re Feeling Is Real — and Valid

It’s tempting to minimize your feelings or shame yourself for still being in love. But pushing those emotions down won’t help. In fact, it can prolong your pain.

Grief over a divorce—especially one from someone you still love—is complex. It includes:

• Emotional longing

• Identity confusion

• Even physical symptoms like exhaustion, nausea, and insomnia

According to the APA, emotional recovery from divorce typically takes 1–2 years, depending on the depth of the relationship.

Create Space to Grieve the Relationship Fully

You’re not just grieving a person—you’re grieving:

• Future holidays you imagined

• Growing old together

• The inside jokes, routines, shared history

This kind of loss deserves full grief. It’s okay to:

• Cry daily

• Talk to the version of him that lives in your head

• Miss him and still not want him back

Journaling, Crying, Meditating — Tools to Express Without Judgment

Try the "Unsent Letter" exercise:

Write a letter to your ex as if you could say anything.

Say what hurt. Say what you miss. Say goodbye.

Then burn it, shred it, or save it—but don’t send it.

Also consider:

• Guided meditations for heartbreak

• Crying in the shower (it’s a safe, private space)

• Daily journaling prompts like:

• “Today, I wish I could tell him…”

• “Loving him taught me…”

What NOT to Do When You Still Love Him

Don’t Beg, Chase, or Reopen the Wound

Every time you text, check his social, or ask “Can we talk?”, you're reopening a scab that’s trying to heal.

Emotional relapses are normal—but giving in to them can prolong the grief.

Set limits:

• Block or mute him temporarily if needed

• Ask a friend to help you stay accountable

• Remember that no new conversation will erase the old pain

Don’t Suppress or Numb the Feelings

Pushing feelings down often leads to:

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Unexplained physical symptoms

Don’t feel weak for crying. Don’t feel crazy for missing him. Don’t drown your pain in alcohol, rebound flings, or overworking.

What’s not expressed will eventually demand your attention.

Don’t Let Hope Override Reality

Redefining “You” After Divorce

Hope can be comforting—but also dangerous. Holding onto false hope can keep you stuck in a fantasy.

Instead, try Radical Acceptance — a concept from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT):

“This is happening. I don’t have to like it. But I accept that I cannot change it.”

Acceptance isn’t defeat. It’s the first breath of freedom.

Steps to Emotionally Detach and Reclaim Yourself

Emotional Boundaries – Redefine the Relationship (Even If Co-Parenting)

If you still have contact (e.g., co-parenting), shift how you engage:

• Keep conversations transactional, not emotional

• Don’t seek validation or flirtation

• Avoid sharing your feelings unless it’s part of closure

You’re redefining the emotional contract. He is no longer your comfort zone.

“Love Doesn’t Mean You Have to Stay” – Reframing the Narrative

It’s possible to:

• Love him and leave him

• Miss him and not go back

• Remember the good and still choose yourself

“Healing after divorce from someone you love is like carrying two truths: I still love him. I know I must move on.”

Pour That Love Back Into Yourself

All that love you have for him? Redirect it:

• Nurture your body with good food, rest, and gentle movement

• Take up a creative outlet (art, music, writing)

• Practice self-talk that’s kind:

• “I am worthy, even when I feel broken.”

• “My love is not wasted—it was real, and so is my healing.”

Who Can Help You Heal

Talking to a Therapist or Divorce Coach

Therapy isn’t just for the broken—it’s for the becoming.

A therapist gives you:

• A container for your emotions

• Tools to manage grief

• A mirror for your worth when you forget it

Recommended expert: Kevin Van Liere

Joining a Support Group of Others Who Understand

Sometimes the most healing words are:

“I’ve been there too.”

Find community through:

• Facebook groups for women post-divorce

• Local or virtual support groups

• Podcasts like The Love, Happiness & Success Podcast

These spaces remind you: you’re not alone.

Final Words: Love Doesn’t Disqualify You From Healing

You are allowed to:

• Miss him

• Cry about him

• Still feel love for him

AND

• Set boundaries

• Choose healing

• Build a new life

Love doesn’t mean you wait. Love doesn’t mean you chase.

Love means honoring what was—and trusting that what’s next can still be beautiful.

You can give yourself closure. You can give yourself peace.