After a divorce –or significant loss of relationship- most of us WANT to move forward in our lives. Yet, this seems like one of the hardest things to do as we ponder the pain and sadness we have just gone through.
It appears that on a healthy journey of recovery most of us must still wander in to some pretty dark places to get to our next chapter of love and life. At times, I felt as if there were a light at the end of the tunnel but it was really far away . . .and not very bright. The journey towards this light of freedom, peace and happiness is way out there and it may not even seem like it’s worth the fight to put one foot in front of the other to get there.
It is much easier to stay in our tunnel of darkness, and usually we have some company in this tunnel. We often choose to stay stuck or angry or sad because our friends are there too. Or maybe we know that moving towards the light of happiness is going to take some work. There are MANY people who don’t want to journey out of the darkness, or more importantly, they don’t know how to move towards the light without it being an excruciating, self-reflective process.
Today I want to explore what it might look like to start facing the light at the end of the tunnel and take those steps necessary to get to a new place; a place of light and love and away from some of the pain we have endured.
First you must decide to go this way. Eventually you will get sick of living in darkness. This may happen 2 days after your divorce or 2 years (or more.) That’s ok. What has happened before to you is not what lies before you.
You also don’t have to know what lies out in the light- after all light has its challenges too, but for today face the light. Choose things and people that make you feel good. For example, buy yourself flowers or cherish a hug from your child. Maybe a friend said something kind to you. Write it down in a journal or slip of paper that you stick by your bathroom mirror. Regardless soak in the love. Maybe it’s a bigger thing like you saw your ex and didn’t argue, or feel the stinging pain of loss when you had to communicate with them. Every moment is a step in the right direction to reaching the end of the tunnel of darkness.
You know you could and would like to love again. Personally, I had to accept that I could be loved again. I didn’t know by whom, I didn’t know what I wanted to give or receive, but I knew in my heart that I deserved to have someone in my life that really loved me for who I really am.
Now the goal is to take one step in the direction of the light every day. Whether it is reaching out to meet a new person at work, or go for a long walk, take a class like Rebuild Your Life, or get a new haircut- hell get a whole new look- but move towards the light.
We’ll talk about what happens when you get to the end of the tunnel in our next blog.