Psychologists, theologians, and spiritual teachers often espouse that we are enough and perfect as we are. This idea has been popularized most recently in the work of Brene Brown who’s recent Ted Talk which focused on our human connection–that is, our ability to empathize, belong and love.
Shame is the inner emotional state that is the polar opposite and it is a result of believing, accepting and acting as though we are not enough: For example, we act or believe as though we are inadequate, unlovable, defective, unacceptable, unworthy, or worthless.
After Divorce Support
In our After Divorce Support program we operate on the premise that each of us is enough. Students often comment that it does not seem “like a big deal to be enough.” We then ask them, “well what if I told you that you are perfect?” They object to the idea of being perfect.
The dictionary defines enough as “in a quantity or degree that answers a purpose or satisfies a need or desire.” In other words: nothing needs to be added, nothing more is needed. A dictionary definition of “Perfect’ is: “complete” – nothing more is needed to complete it.
So the reality is that we are enough, we are perfect.
As we all know, we all can be “wrapped up in shame” or we can shed it. It takes intention and practice to shed our shame. And it is necessary because we can not create a loving relationship with ourself or anyone else if we are caught up in shame. We cannot build our self-esteem if we are full of shame or shaming ourselves.
So start with the awareness that you may be in” not enough” or “victim” consciousness. Talk to people about your limiting beliefs. Talk about where you are caught in the painful limitations of shame. Shame will persist unless you talk about it ( not talking about it -keeps you locked in the prison cell of shame).
If you want to create healthy relationships -you have to start with yourself ( work from the inside out). Then work on creating relationships where both of you are living from the belief of being enough.
The only relationships that are wonderful and sustainable are those in which both people are building their lives from the truth of being enough.